My baby is here . . the funny thing is . . I thought that when he came . . things would change . .. why did i think that . . i thought. . oh it will be easier for me to digest . . it will be easier because it will be real . .. it will be easier to deal with it all . . the co-creator would be easier to deal with . . . uhhh . . no.
None of it . . is easy . . in fact, it's harder. . the hardest thing I have done thus far . . it really is a cluster.
Dealing with the newness of motherhood, the loss of my OWN mother, the loss of my freedom, the loss of the triune . . . ha . . really.
Please don't get me wrong . .. I love him . . to pieces . . I mean . . he is of ME . . he looks like ME . .. he is ME. But ohhhh . . he is of someone else too . . and I see it . . everyday .. wow .. thats a powerful reminder to have EVERY SINGLE DAY AND EVERY WAKING MOMENT.
But the good part, perhaps the best part . . is i am growing in my faith . . I have no one else to turn to . . but HIM . . God. And that is the ONLY way HE would have it.
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